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This is Lara. Thank you very much for visiting my profile.
I am a german girl. My birthday is on 5th of march and I'm jealous at my father, because he is born on a 13th. Life is hard.
I love Taylor, because of her songs, behaviour and her personality. She gave me strength when I needed it. She made me smile when I was about to cry. She made me cry when she sang "Last Kiss" at the Speak Now Tour (DVD). So here we are. I never met her. I know. I should do anything to meet her. I should fly to the U.S. and get a ticket. But I don't want it that way. I want to visit her tour here. In Germany. Where my home is. I want to show her, that she means something to me. The most when I am at home. Because when I am at home, her songs mean the most to me.
The story started in 2012. My grandfather was very ill and about to die. We all knew he was about to die and I was searching for films in the internet to think about something different. Then I found the „Lovestory“ video. And I loved it. Just loved it. So I was listening to it everyday. And then on a Wednesday my mother came into my room, whispering:
“He died 10 minutes ago darling.“
And in that moment, I swear, Taylor sang:
„He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said / Marry me, Juliet, you'll never have to be alone / I love you and that's all I really know / I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress / It's a love story, baby, just say yes“
And I was thinking about the fact, that heaven is marring my grandfather. Saving him from all the pain and taking him to a better world. So I smiled. And that’s how it started.
When I was 13 (awkward I know) I got a hate letter of five girls, I used to hang out with. I don't know why they did that. There were sentences like:
"We don't want you to hang out with us or HAUNTING US!"
I never did that. I still don't know if they think like that, even now?
But at this time, there was this song called "The best day". And it made me feel awkward, because it... it was like it's written for me:
"Im thirteen now/ And dont know how my friends could be so mean"
So this was my favourite.
I was in love with a boy for nine years. Some people might call it "still-a-little-crush" but it wasn't. It was so intense. So I decided to ask him out. Four times. Nothing. I lost my hope, that when I do something, it will work. He was together with a girl I knew. Let's name her LEA (she will appear again!) But we're still good friends now and you know. I don't want to forget about him. He never did something wrong, I cried a lot, but you can't fake feelings.
So for me...He's Stephen.
"Hey Stephen/ I know looks can be deceivin'/ But I know I saw a light in you/ And as we walked, we were talking/ I didn't say half the things I wanted to/ 'Cause I can't help it if you look like an angel/ Can't help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain/ So come feel this magic/ I've been feelin' since I met you/ Can't help it if there's no one else/ Mmm I can't help myself"
Then I went on a summer camp and met this awesome, wonderful, funny guy. I was in the process of forgetting "Stephen" and I never did anything with him. I was more like... "Hmm... just a boy..." But then the last day came and we were in a group together. So... yes we spent the whole day together and those 10 hours changed my whole mind. We sang together while walking around and had so much fun. I woke up the next morning. The last day. And I was in love. Really in love. The last day passed and he hugged me for saying goodbye. It was like millions of butterflies in my stomach when he hugged me and I felt so happy! Then I went to holidays with my parents. When I came back. He was together with another girl from the summercamp. LEA. If you remember the girl who was together with my first crush. Awkward.
With him I connect "Everything has changed" but at the same time I think of "All too well“.
"All I knew this morning when I woke/ Is I know something now, know something now I didn't before/ And all I've seen since 18 hours ago is green eyes and freckles and your smile in the back of my mind making me feel like [..] All I know since yesterday is everything has changed/ And all I feel in my stomach is butterflies the beautiful kind/ Making up for lost time, taking flight, making me feel like"
"And maybe we got lost in translation/ Maybe I asked for too much/ But maybe this thing was a masterpiece/ ´til you tore it all up/ Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well [...] Cause there we are again when I loved you so/ Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known/ It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well"
Then our class got shuffeled up and this guy came in my class. He was really funny. He was upset with Rammstein and I was upset with Taylor Swift. SO. Fight! But it alway stayed calm. But I was saying: "You don't love him. No. You don't."
But...apparently I did. And that came in a flash. We were driving in the bus and I was listening to "THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DOOR".
And then I saw him and Taylor sang:
And I'll scream out the window/ I can't even look at you
“I don't need you but I do, I do, I do"
I was done. This was real and I loved him. I loved him more than the other two before. Maybe because it discovered how strong love could be. Okay. Let's go on. I loved him. He didn't love me. Then I was very dissapointed. He started to show his lovely side. I fell even more. He seemed interestes. Had a girlfriend. Crying. They broke up. Fell in love even more. We (I think) nearly kissed in the dark. He had a girlfriend. Crying. Wondering why. They broke up. Then. The party. I was in vacation so I wasn't there. He... kissed, touched I don't know maybe slept with LEA. This. Girl. Is. Haunting. Me. I was nearly about to break. So He is a heartbreaker. Like my guyfriend said: "He's a bitch when it comes to relationships!"
So... I never found a song for him. Until RED came out. My dear readers, open up the show for "I KNEW YOU WERE TROUBLE":
"No apologies/ He'll never see you cry/ Pretend he doesn't know/ That he's the reason why/ You're drowning, you're drowning, you're drowning/ And I heard you moved on/ From whispers on the street/ A new notch in your belt/ Is all I'll ever be/ And now I see, now I see, now I see/ He was long gone/ When he met me/ And I realize the joke is on me/ I knew you were trouble when you walked in/ So shame on me now/ Flew me to places i'd never been/ Till you put me down oh/ I knew you were trouble when you walked in/ So shame on me now/ Flew me to places i'd never been/ Now i'm lying on the cold hard ground/ Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble/ Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble"
And now. Let's come to the most magical person in the world. For the musical on our school we had to practice with the band. He was new in the band. Never saw him before. The song was difficult and I had to sing in a totally different key. So our teacher said: "K####? Could you play Lara's voice? She's the blonde one behind you. And he turned around and it was like the whole world would stop. I felt sick. I wasn't able to talk. THAN HE SMILED! And I...was gone. My mind was spinning around like crazy and I just didn't get over the thought of being with him.
This is me praying that this was the very first page / Not where the story line ends / My thoughts will echo your name until I see you again / These are the words I held back as I was leaving too soon / I was enchanted to meet you
So I was next to him for two months. Sometimes we talked and that were the most beautiful moments in my life. But now. He will graduate and I? I'm still stuck in school for another two years. I think he forgot my name and his friends and he himself know, that I love him. So I can't decide which song I should pick. Because at least it was all a dream, I was stupid and I was so...naive.
"Holding on, the days drag on/ Stupid girl, I should have known/ I should have known That I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairytale/ I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet/ Lead her up the stairwell/ This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town/ I was a dreamer before you went and let me down/ Now it's too late for you and your white horse to come around [...] Baby I was naive/ Got lost in your eyes and never really had a chance/ My mistake, I didn't know that to be in love/ You had to fight to have the upper hand/ I had so many dreams about you and me/ Happy endings, now I know [...]"
So he was gone and it were only a few weeks before the summer holidays. We had a festival from the orchestra. We have this every year. So there was this boy who I know since at least 5 years. He’s wonderful, funny and charming. We spend all the time together, made jokes and things like that. And then he turned 18. During the festival. So I wanted to say „Happy Birthday“ but I missed a step and fell into his arms. It was magical. I looked in his eyes and it was just like in a movie! The next day I had to work the whole day at the festival and he was working as a waiter. So I worked in the kitchen and he came along all the time, talking with me. We were laughing and having fun. But I knew that we wouldn’t make out. My best friend liked him. She wasn’t in love. But… a little bit. But the problem is, that she doesn’t know him at all!!! But I felt so ashamed.
“He stands there then walks away/ My God, if I could only say/ I'm holding every breathe for you/ He'd never tell you but he can play guitar/ I think he can see through everything but my heart/ First thought when I wake up is, "My god, he's beautiful"/ So I put on my make up and pray for a miracle/ Yes, I could tell you his favorite colors green/ He loves to argue oh and it kills me/ His sisters beautiful he has his father's eyes/ And if you asked me if I love him/ If you ask me if I love him, I'd lie“
So she helped me in the kitchen and he came to us. She is beautiful and was smiling at him like a flower in the sunshine. But he went to me. DIRECTLY!
He walked to me and talked to me. Just ignoring her. But during the festival we didn’t do anything.
Then he went to the summercamp (yes the same like in the beginning). Me too. But this time as an adviser. So we were in the same house and it was the most magical week ever! I always catched him staring at me and now…. Wait. He. Plays. Guitar. So we sat by the fireplace, singing. Catched looks. I wore his sweater. My cheeks turned red and hot from the fire and my heart was beating to extremely. It was so magical. The next day we went to a swimming bath and he dunked me. When we came up again we were so close to each other. He looked in my eyes and then down on my lips and I wasn’t able to breath. I should’ve kissed him. Because in the next moment the little kids took him away. Done.
So we wrote sometimes since then. But I will see him again. In two weeks. Wish me luck.
“ Oh my, what a marvelous tune/ It was the best night, never would forget how we moved[…]and we were dancing, dancing/Like we're made of starlight, starlight/Like we're made of starlight, starlight“
GUYS GUYS GUYS!!!!!!!! I'VE GOT TICKETS FOR TAYLOR'S CONCERT IN BERLIN NEXT FEBRUARY!!!!!! I CAN'T !!! I FINALLY DONE IT !!!!!!!!! *-*