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The Assassin!

Tue, Jan 22, 2013 at 1:21 PM

Soo this is a book im working on i am writting it out on paper i havent divided chapyters yet but anyway ill right up what i can ill add more all the time tell me what you think! Sorry there not much right now it just takes really long to typr it all out! for now ill call them sections for where i stop typing each time.

THANK YOU TO ALL MY EDITORS!!!!

The Assassin

Section One:
It was a nice, sunny day in Santa Barbra, California. Amy Halster, at the age of 15, had just gotten out of school when she heard her cell phone ring. She dug through her purse until she finally found it. She flipped it open and answered with a "This is Amy, what can I do for you?" Surprisingly, she didn't recognize the voice, but then it said
"I'm Bill Takler from the Police Department." At those 7 words Amy's heart started to beat faster. She listened as the voice on the phone explained that she needed to come down to the station.
^Section 1 Edited By: JJ13 ^

Section 2:
She asked her best friend's older brother to drive her, and like she expected, he jumped at the chance! (He always had a crush on Amy and everyone knew it). When she got to the police station, a tall, dark-haired man in uniform came up to her and said
"I'm Bil,l I talked to you on the phone?" Amy replied quickly, scared,
"Yeah, so what's up?" The man dropped his head and, in a voice just above a whisper, said,
"I'm sorry to tell you this Amy but......" He paused as a moment as if trying to find the right words, or maybe trying to work up the courage to tell her something.
"What, what is it?" Amy almost yelled. After a couple more silent moments the Officer finally spoke, saying,
"Your parents car went off the road." Amy's eyes filled with worry.
"Where are they?! Are they okay?!" She asked. The Officer's eyes filled with sadness.
"There there dear, I'm so sorry!" Amy let out a cry.
"No, that can't be! Let me see my parents! I want to see them now!" The Officer grabbed Amy, half hugging her to comfort her and half holding her, trying to stop her kicking and swinging her arms. Around a half an hour later she stopped crying. By now Bill had sat her down on a bench and was sitting there with her. "How, how did it happen?" Amy suddenly asked. The Officers face went cold. Again, his voice went quit and he replied
"We're pretty sure it was murder." Amy's face filled with anger and rage.
"What?! How could that be?!" She yelled at him. Then all of a sudden her face went even colder then the Officer's. "Did it have to do with his work?" Amy asked.
^Section 2 Edited By: JJ13 ^

Section 3:
At That Moment the officer stood up and said "I Know This Is all Hard To Take in but a few other officers need to ask you a few questions if your up to it that is?" Amy Paused then stood up straitened out her dress and replied "Yes I can answer a few questions." Two other officers were walking toward her just as bill was walking off. One of the Officers was a short blond freckled face girl the other was a avrage hieghth guy with red hair.
^Section 3 Edited BY: lovestory123 ^

Thats all for now ill type more when i can! sorry to leave you hanging!

^Guppy1313^

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Replies to This Posting

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    Re: The Assassin!

    Tue, Jan 22, 2013 at 1:34 PM

    bump

    ^Guppy1313^

    backtoafirstglance

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    Re: The Assassin!

    Tue, Jan 22, 2013 at 1:36 PM

    OMMS! MUST READ MORE!







    Made by the wonderful Topaz! Check out her shop!

    http://i.i[/signature]

      1. TC Founder - Joined the new Taylor Connect during the preview period (Feb 2012 - May 2012)
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    Re: The Assassin!

    Tue, Jan 22, 2013 at 1:55 PM

    LOL^

    ^Guppy1313^

    backtoafirstglance

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    Re: The Assassin!

    Tue, Jan 22, 2013 at 3:31 PM

    check some of your spelling, punctuation, and be careful with how you write dialogue, each new speaker is a new paragraph. i like it, though.

      1. TC Founder - Joined the new Taylor Connect during the preview period (Feb 2012 - May 2012)
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    Re: The Assassin!

    Wed, Jan 23, 2013 at 12:18 AM

    Never Grow Up wrote:
    check some of your spelling, punctuation, and be careful with how you write dialogue, each new speaker is a new paragraph. i like it, though.


    Agreed, but other than that it's nice! If you ever want any help feel free to PM me! :)
    “You're lucky enough to be different, never change” ~Taylor Swift

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    Re: The Assassin!

    Wed, Jan 23, 2013 at 12:40 PM

    i know I am horrible at punctuation and spelling im gonna try to find someone to edit it!^

    ^Guppy1313^

    backtoafirstglance

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    Re: The Assassin!

    Wed, Jan 23, 2013 at 12:59 PM

    I don't really have time to be a full-time editor, but I edited the first part for you:

    Section One:
    It was a nice, sunny day in Santa Barbra, California. Amy Halster, at the age of 15, had just gotten out of school when she heard her cell phone ring. She dug through her purse until she finally found it. She flipped it open and answered with a "This is Amy, what can I do for you?" Surprisingly, she didn't recognize the voice, but then it said
    "I'm Bill Takler from the Police Department." At those 7 words Amy's heart started to beat faster. She listened as the voice on the phone explained that she needed to come down to the station.

    Section 2:
    She asked her best friend's older brother to drive her, and like she expected, he jumped at the chance! (He always had a crush on Amy and everyone knew it). When she got to the police station, a tall, dark-haired man in uniform came up to her and said
    "I'm Bil,l I talked to you on the phone?" Amy replied quickly, scared,
    "Yeah, so what's up?" The man dropped his head and, in a voice just above a whisper, said,
    "I'm sorry to tell you this Amy but......" He paused as a moment as if trying to find the right words, or maybe trying to work up the courage to tell her something.
    "What, what is it?" Amy almost yelled. After a couple more silent moments the Officer finally spoke, saying,
    "Your parents car went off the road." Amy's eyes filled with worry.
    "Where are they?! Are they okay?!" She asked. The Officer's eyes filled with sadness.
    "There there dear, I'm so sorry!" Amy let out a cry.
    "No, that can't be! Let me see my parents! I want to see them now!" The Officer grabbed Amy, half hugging her to comfort her and half holding her, trying to stop her kicking and swinging her arms. Around a half an hour later she stopped crying. By now Bill had sat her down on a bench and was sitting there with her. "How, how did it happen?" Amy suddenly asked. The Officers face went cold. Again, his voice went quit and he replied
    "We're pretty sure it was murder." Amy's face filled with anger and rage.
    "What?! How could that be?!" She yelled at him. Then all of a sudden her face went even colder then the Officer's. "Did it have to do with his work?" Amy asked.


    ^Primafacie

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    Re: The Assassin!

    Wed, Jan 23, 2013 at 1:13 PM

    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^THANKS SOO MUCH!!! And now that i dont have to edit the first part i have found 3 full time editors thanks for the head start!! :)^^^^^^^^^^^

    ^Guppy1313^

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    Re: The Assassin!

    Wed, Jan 23, 2013 at 1:20 PM

    It's awesome, but yes.. there are a few things.. like spelling that confused me!

      1. TC Founder - Joined the new Taylor Connect during the preview period (Feb 2012 - May 2012)
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    Re: The Assassin!

    Wed, Jan 23, 2013 at 1:24 PM

    Neverd tryed
    Taylor Swift

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    Re: The Assassin!

    Wed, Jan 23, 2013 at 1:27 PM

    RoseGardenOverMadisonSquare wrote:
    It's awesome, but yes.. there are a few things.. like spelling that confused me!




    Okay i had it edited hope you can read it better now! :)

    ^Guppy1313^

    backtoafirstglance

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    Re: The Assassin!

    Wed, Jan 23, 2013 at 2:37 PM

    i will help u edit if u want