It's Not Easy Being Teen

It has often been said that the most traumatic periods of a person's life are moving house, getting a divorce and getting through a major bereavement. Almost no adult will tell you that being a teenager is anywhere near as traumatic; but this, I suspect, is because no adult wants to really remember what it is like to go through the most intense and sustained period of change you will ever undergo.

Between the ages of twelve and twenty, your life will change in every way imaginable. Your body is a seething mass of hormones as you are growing physically, going through puberty, and seemingly changing every single physical part of your body from child to adult.

Nor is the mental part of the change in any way different. As a child, you know little and understand less. As a teenager, the world is opening up for you, and it is not always a nice or wonderful thing. Old certainties are thrown away seemingly every day, and new truths are found. Your tastes are changing - becoming more refined - and the world seems so wide and so open that it is both frightening and exhilarating.

More than anything, you feel caught between two worlds. You are starting to move away from the idea that you should rely on your parents for everything, but you do not yet know how well you can rely on yourself. You want to find your own place in the world, and a large part of that lies in discovering who you are. You want to fit in, to be liked, to be cool - but none of those things are easy, and all too often you feel alone or unloved or scared of the future.

What if your friends don't really like you? You know you are really too ugly or too stupid or too fat or too thin or too tall or too short or... Surely people are lying to you to make you feel better? Surely your spots make you repulsive? Could anyone really value you, love you, care for you? How can that be so when you do not yet know who you are? All these fears are normal - and utterly ephemeral.

The modern world makes this whole process of change so much worse. As a teen, you will be looking for some sign of stability, but the pace of modern living and the rate of change in Western society makes it a lot harder to find certainties to cling to, and a lot harder to find a stable base from which to truly find out who you are - and who you are comfortable being!

How on Earth can you know what is 'right' or 'wrong' when there are no set standards for either? When society itself does not seem to know? How can you know what is right for you from the myriad choices on offer?

Bombarded with a constant set of 'perfect' celebrity images, the pressure to look like an air-brushed supermodel has never been greater. It's an unreal standard, but knowing it and not being affected by it when you are already insecure about your looks are two different things.

It is arguable that there has never been a time in history when it is harder to be a teen - not in terms of the physical workload (It's pretty unknown in the West for young people to be forced down coal mines these days) but certainly in terms of mental and emotional adjustment.

As a result, many - perhaps most - teenagers go through periods of depression. They feel lost, alone and unloved. Many resort to self abuse - be it by drink, drugs or cutting - because they can't deal with the pressures and they need something - anything! - to give them some sense of control out of the wild spiral of uncertainty that is their lives.

But there is one thing that all teenagers should realise - you are NOT alone. You ae NOT weird, or a freak. You are NOT unloved or unloveable. People DO care. Every other teen in the West is going through the exact same process as you are, whether they admit it or not. You can and you will get through being a teen. You can and will find out who you are, and where you belong. You are not ugly or stupid. You are not in need of psychologists or special help - you are simply a normal teenager growing up at a time when Western society is blowing itself apart. That is not your fault.

You should accept responsibility for the things you can control; but never the things you can't. You should remember that even the best looking people have their off days, and that true beauty comes from within. You should value people for who they are; and value yourself for the same reason.

You are a unique and special person. There will never be anyone else quite like you in the history of the world. Hold on to that truth, and realise that it gives you incalculable value. You offer something to the world that no-one else can - and sooner or later, you will be loved because of it. Do not punish yourself for the folly of others. If you respect yourself, others will respect you, too.

Dare to dream; then chase your dreams. You are at the very beginning of your story - make it special. As special as you are!

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Yes, this is old now, and has been posted many times in many places. But it's still as true today as the day I wrote it. And it seems to help a few people, and is thus worthwhile :)
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